Tears and Fears

 

Today is the new "Black Friday." Adam Lanza made sure of that today when he murdered 27 people, many of whom were children in a Connecticut elementary school before turning the gun on himself this morning. When things like this happen, we all pause and ask, "Why?" We turn our faces away from our laptops and TV's and iPads just long enough to look up towards heaven and wait for God to answer. We shed a few tears, hug our children tighter and then maybe quizzically ask in a rhetorical fashion, "How?" How is something like this tragedy even possible?

 

 In our effort to find answers we turn outward and look for an external source, causes to the problem. There we find the weapons. Now we have our answer. The guns killed those children and adults. We need tougher laws. Now I'm not arguing that something needs to be changed in this country in regards to gun control. Setting that issue aside for a moment, however, I want to press deeper, because I think the questions "Why?" and "How?" deserve more than just a superficial answer.

 

 The problem with Adam Lanza is our problem, too. His mental and emotional capacity aside, Adam suffers from a far worse condition – his corrupted and sinful nature. Satan found in him the spirit of Judas, a desire to betray all that is good and holy, and exploited it. Why did Adam Lanza snap? How is it possible for him to have conceived of such a violent and hideous plan to snuff out so many lives – Adam was sick, and so are we. Sick with a violent nature towards God. Our hearts are dark and selfish, and in need of some light.

 

God sent light into the world. So when we ask God, “Why and how in regards to this tragedy, God points us to the answer he has already provided in his Son Jesus. John wrote of Jesus in John 1:4-5 (NKJV), “⁴ In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. ⁵ And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. Why did we not understand his coming? Because we loved our sin. It's hard to admit, but we all LOVE our darkness more than we love the light of Jesus. It's easier to keep the light out than let our hideous deeds be exposed against the brilliant purity and radiance of the living God! John wrote later in 3:19-20, “¹⁹ And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. ²⁰For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.”

 

At the end of the day we all turn away from God and run and hide like Adam and Eve trying to “fix” or “cover” our problems hoping God won’t notice. Our pride keeps us from surrendering fully to him. We don’t want to be faced with the depravity of our own souls apart from God’s intervention. But if we are to be cleansed fully, we must recklessly and unashamedly pour out in confession and admit that the condition of our soul is dark and nothing but darkness apart from God. We need to not just confess individual sins, but come to the realization that as Isaiah said in 53:6, “All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”

 

Our pride and self-reliance keep us imprisoned by the fetters of our sinful nature. Not many talk about the sin nature anymore. We all want to deal with the outward symptoms, but no one wants to go through spiritual chemo and radiation to eradicate the source of the cancer in our soul. However, only Jesus can heal us! This is the real story of Christmas; the real reason for the Incarnation - why it was necessary for God to become man and die to be risen again. He died not just to forgive us of the individual times we sin; He died to make us new. Completely new! To restore the Imago Dei – the image of God pressed into humanity from the beginning before the Fall. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Jesus didn’t come to make us better. NO! Jesus is not our way to a better life. He is the way to NEW life!

 

 When we refuse to admit how dark we really are on the inside, we are only fooling ourselves. We need to stop telling people, “You’re OK, God loves you anyway.” Yes, He loves us the way we are, but He loves us far more than to leave us in that sorry condition. Every day I am reminded that everything inside me, every inclination of my heart wars against God. My flesh pulls me towards destruction, and desires to partner with Satan in wreaking havoc on humanity. However, we must all take seriously the reality of why such an act such as the one that happened in Connecticut today is possible. The image of God in all of us has been corrupted by sin, so as a result our free will has been marred.

 

To complicate matters, there is one who lives to incite a riot of epic proportions in the souls of humanity. He lives to bring death to everyone and everything. Peter reminds us and warns us in 1 Peter 5:8, “⁸ Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” All Satan needs is a willing vessel to cooperate with him and carry out his plan of destruction. Today he found one in Adam Lanza. All the more reason we must as Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) tells us, “ Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Without the Holy Spirit living in our hearts, our lives are like houses with unlocked doors, ready to fall prey to the whims and desires of the devil.

May the horror of what happened today turn us to God and push us to our knees in repentance. Let the events of “Black Friday” make tomorrow a truly “Sober Saturday.”

No More Silence

 

As I write, I am listening to the song Break Every Chain, by Jesus Culture and the line keeps repeating There is power in the name of Jesus, to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain.... The more I listen, the bolder my heart grows for the calling He has placed on my life as a missionary to the people of Italy.

 

Since October 3, 2008, God has branded me for this purpose. At times, I have fought it, cursed it, run from it, wept in it, shouted for joy in it, and finally embraced it and called it my own. Sometimes I feel like the prophet Jeremiah when he tried to get out of preaching, "But if I say, 'I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,' his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. - Jeremiah 20:9 (NIV)

 

No matter how many times I tried to put this call on someone else’s shoulders and made excuses for why I can't do what God has called me to do, he has kept scooping it up, and placing it on me. I don't run from it anymore. I don't curse it anymore. I wear it like a garment of mourning as I weep for the lost souls in Italy who are yearning to be free from the bonds of unbelief that the enemy has for too long used to keep eyes blinded, ears plugged, hearts hardened, feet bound from running to the truth, and arms and hands tied so they cannot reach out and receive the free gift of life that God longs to give them.

 

But like Jeremiah, I cannot hold it in any longer. I am a dam bulging at the weight of a mighty river ready to surge forth. No longer will I be silent or ashamed of my call. I run with God into the fight, with NO FEAR of the consequences. I have chased all the other false lovers; soul mirages that have left me dry and broken - money, sex, power, complacency, self-indulgence, etc. I am ruined but for Christ. I am good for nothing but to be broken like an alabaster jar at His feet in a life of total sacrifice. Indeed, I am already oozing the sweet perfume of His Spirit. I long for the day that this prophecy is fulfilled in all the earth - Habakkuk 3:2 (NIV) - "Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy."

 

However, it seems frequently that when I share about my burning passion and ask others to join in with me, I get the same response that Moses gave to the burning bush - “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.” – Exodus 3:3. Why is my passion so strange? Why do people pat me on the back for my courage, and shake their heads in disbelief?

 

Isn’t this a reasonable act of worship – Christianity 101? Romans 12:1 (NIV) says – “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” Why is total sacrifice strange or noble or admirable? Stop applauding, put down your hands, and run courageously with me into the fray. When God calls out in our generation as he did to Isaiah in 6:8 (NIV) - “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”…..will we not answer him as Isaiah did? “Here am I. Send me!”

 

Maybe your spiritual battlefield is not Italy. Maybe yours is the office where you work, the neighborhood you live in, the school where you take classes, or the community where you shop. We must be compassionate conquerors, as we hold the banner of Jesus high, crushing the enemy under our feet, and taking the liberated captives into the shelter of the wings of an Almighty God who in Luke 61:1-2 and again in Luke 4:18-19 (NIV) declares- “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.”

 

This is truly the gospel. This is truly Good News! Truly there is power in the name of Jesus, to break every chain. So no more silence. No more fear. No more complacency. God is calling us to action. What will we choose to do? In life you will inevitably burn for something. Why not burn for God?!

Portrait Of Power

I am a man of strength. At 6’ 2”, 220 lbs., not many people question my physical abilities. Gifted with strength and an unusual ability to tolerate pain, even as a child playing sports doctors marveled at the courage I exhibited under the stress of injury that would make most a puddle of tears. Endurance is a gift that helps me go beyond the physical limits of most people.

I am a man of knowledge. A college graduate with an IQ above 130, not many question my cognitive abilities. Gifted with an ability to think on my feet and create solutions faster than most has earned me a reputation in my field of audiovisual technology. When the seconds are ticking off the countdown clock before the curtain goes up and issues are flaring, I’m the guy on the technical delta team that runs in and gets the job done before anyone knows a problem has even occurred. Problem solving is a gift that helps me excel where most others fail under the pressure.

I am a man of passion. A poet of sorts with a command of the pen, not many question my ability to communicate. Gifted with an ability to speak, write and sing, I’ve always had the confidence and ability to sway others’ opinions with a crafting of words or persuasive emotional appeal. Passionate expression is a gift that helps me stand out from the crowd as a leader.

So when God called my family to Italy as missionaries on October 2, 2008, I thought to myself, “OK God, which one of these gifts that you’ve given me will make the most impact in fundraising now and on the Italian people once we arrive in Italy?” After more than 30 years as a believer, I should have known his response already. His answer was the same as it has always been –  ”But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV). However, I wasn’t ready to give him the correct reply – “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV). I was a victim of my own pride.

Our culture teaches us and our churches sometimes unintentionally reinforce the message to mask our weaknesses by overcompensating in our strengths. This is image protection in its purest form.  It’s not that we are dishonest with others, but it’s just counter intuitive to gain influence with people and have them instill confidence in you by publicly trumpeting your weaknesses. That’s not a good resume building technique.

However, especially in the last six months since I resigned the staff position I held on the technical team of my church, God has been taking me through a molting process of sorts, helping me understand the difference between self-reliance and God-dependence. Last year our fundraising efforts were producing amazing results, and we had a reserve of cash in the bank to fund our immediate needs for several months. Therefore, when I resigned my job last August, I honestly thought God would be impressed with this noble act of faith and sacrifice and bless us with the rest of our funding in just a few months. Other missionaries just didn’t have the faith, marketing savvy or tenacity that we had. We were going to beat the 2 year Bell Curve for European missions support raising, write a book on our humble success, and publish our findings so others could be inspired by our story! OK, so maybe I am exaggerating a bit about the book idea, but honestly, we thought we had found some secret missions fundraising portal that would propel us past expectations and really prove to everyone that God has His hand on our family.

The reality set in when the money started running out and the funding started to slow down. We started pushing harder, asking more frequently, praying more earnestly, but all the while never really trusting God to come through in a way that we did not expect. I had created only one solution scenario and God was not following my script. Why had God spoken to us to leave our jobs, if He wasn’t going to rain down fire on our altar and show those Baal-ers who was boss?

To be honest my personal embarrassment started to drive my decision making processes more than the Bible and the Holy Spirit. I started to become less God dependent, and started looking for ways to solve these problems on my own. I secretly polished up my resume and posted it on Monster. Not a single hit. I thought, “God, are you kidding me? What was I thinking in August? I put up the public challenge, posted all the billboards about the good vs. evil showdown, but it seems that you are not going to show up at all! Thanks (sarcasm implied), knowing my ego was about to take a huge hit.”

I was able to keep up the faith charade for a few months, but by the time the Christmas holidays hit and nothing had really changed, I literally gave up the vision inside. I had set out for the Promised Land with high hopes and a sprinter’s pace. God had parted our Red Sea, but now we felt lost in the desert. As most marathoners know, if you pick too fast of a pace, you’ll eventually hit “the wall.” I had hit it alright, but kept backing up and hitting it again with the hopes of knocking it down.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

God had not forgotten me, or the calling He had placed on my family. He just needed me to change my attitude to come in line with Him.  Now I truly understand the reason He took me through this process. If I am ever going to really fulfill the calling he has placed on me in Italy to reach the lost, disciple and train leaders, plant churches and see them grow from missionary dependent to God dependent, then He needed to get out all of that false hope that is based on self-reliance and replace it with true faith built not on my abilities but firmly on Him.

Recently I read a statement that really put the graduation cap on this whole lesson in humility. I think it sums up the way God wants to communicate the saving message of His Son – “If you want to impact people, don’t talk about your successes; talk about your failures. - John Maxwell, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Now I understand what God was trying to communicate in 2 Corinthians 12:9 when Paul wrote, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” God’s power is the portrait, and my weakness is the frame on which it hangs for display. If that’s the case then make me a museum for your glory, Lord for all to see just how great You are!

THE CHOICE

For my bride on our 14^th Anniversary

We could have chosen to leave, but instead we stayed.

We could have walked away, but instead we prayed.

When given the choice, we considered ours made.

We had made our vows. There was no turning back now.

How different our lives could have been,

If one or the other had decided to just cash in.

But instead of giving up, and moving on,

We chose to forgive and that has made our love strong.

Now let’s not get lazy or nonchalant,

And forget the price that was paid to get what we’ve got.

Let’s keep giving ourselves in love for each other,

Not letting our hearts stray to another.

On this day let us chose to invest,

To give more to the other and take away less.

Let us promise today to always give to each other our best,

And not just what’s left over after we’ve served everyone else.

We could have chosen to leave, but instead we stayed.

And I’m so glad that was the choice that we made.

But it wasn’t just for then. It’s also for now.

So let’s keep choosing each other and live out our vows.