I am a man of strength. At 6’ 2”, 220 lbs., not many people question my physical abilities. Gifted with strength and an unusual ability to tolerate pain, even as a child playing sports doctors marveled at the courage I exhibited under the stress of injury that would make most a puddle of tears. Endurance is a gift that helps me go beyond the physical limits of most people.
I am a man of passion. A poet of sorts with a command of the pen, not many question my ability to communicate. Gifted with an ability to speak, write and sing, I’ve always had the confidence and ability to sway others’ opinions with a crafting of words or persuasive emotional appeal. Passionate expression is a gift that helps me stand out from the crowd as a leader.So when God called my family to Italy as missionaries on October 2, 2008, I thought to myself, “OK God, which one of these gifts that you’ve given me will make the most impact in fundraising now and on the Italian people once we arrive in Italy?” After more than 30 years as a believer, I should have known his response already. His answer was the same as it has always been – ”But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV). However, I wasn’t ready to give him the correct reply – “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV). I was a victim of my own pride.
Our culture teaches us and our churches sometimes unintentionally reinforce the message to mask our weaknesses by overcompensating in our strengths. This is image protection in its purest form. It’s not that we are dishonest with others, but it’s just counter intuitive to gain influence with people and have them instill confidence in you by publicly trumpeting your weaknesses. That’s not a good resume building technique.
However, especially in the last six months since I resigned the staff position I held on the technical team of my church, God has been taking me through a molting process of sorts, helping me understand the difference between self-reliance and God-dependence. Last year our fundraising efforts were producing amazing results, and we had a reserve of cash in the bank to fund our immediate needs for several months. Therefore, when I resigned my job last August, I honestly thought God would be impressed with this noble act of faith and sacrifice and bless us with the rest of our funding in just a few months. Other missionaries just didn’t have the faith, marketing savvy or tenacity that we had. We were going to beat the 2 year Bell Curve for European missions support raising, write a book on our humble success, and publish our findings so others could be inspired by our story! OK, so maybe I am exaggerating a bit about the book idea, but honestly, we thought we had found some secret missions fundraising portal that would propel us past expectations and really prove to everyone that God has His hand on our family.
The reality set in when the money started running out and the funding started to slow down. We started pushing harder, asking more frequently, praying more earnestly, but all the while never really trusting God to come through in a way that we did not expect. I had created only one solution scenario and God was not following my script. Why had God spoken to us to leave our jobs, if He wasn’t going to rain down fire on our altar and show those Baal-ers who was boss?To be honest my personal embarrassment started to drive my decision making processes more than the Bible and the Holy Spirit. I started to become less God dependent, and started looking for ways to solve these problems on my own. I secretly polished up my resume and posted it on Monster. Not a single hit. I thought, “God, are you kidding me? What was I thinking in August? I put up the public challenge, posted all the billboards about the good vs. evil showdown, but it seems that you are not going to show up at all! Thanks (sarcasm implied), knowing my ego was about to take a huge hit.”
I was able to keep up the faith charade for a few months, but by the time the Christmas holidays hit and nothing had really changed, I literally gave up the vision inside. I had set out for the Promised Land with high hopes and a sprinter’s pace. God had parted our Red Sea, but now we felt lost in the desert. As most marathoners know, if you pick too fast of a pace, you’ll eventually hit “the wall.” I had hit it alright, but kept backing up and hitting it again with the hopes of knocking it down.
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
God had not forgotten me, or the calling He had placed on my family. He just needed me to change my attitude to come in line with Him. Now I truly understand the reason He took me through this process. If I am ever going to really fulfill the calling he has placed on me in Italy to reach the lost, disciple and train leaders, plant churches and see them grow from missionary dependent to God dependent, then He needed to get out all of that false hope that is based on self-reliance and replace it with true faith built not on my abilities but firmly on Him.
Recently I read a statement that really put the graduation cap on this whole lesson in humility. I think it sums up the way God wants to communicate the saving message of His Son – “If you want to impact people, don’t talk about your successes; talk about your failures. - John Maxwell, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Now I understand what God was trying to communicate in 2 Corinthians 12:9 when Paul wrote, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” God’s power is the portrait, and my weakness is the frame on which it hangs for display. If that’s the case then make me a museum for your glory, Lord for all to see just how great You are!
