EMPTY CHURCHES, BROKEN HEARTS
Sitting here tonight contemplating my future. Knowing where God has called me from, and where he's called me to, but somehow feeling blocked from going forward. Yes, God called my family to plant churches in Italy. It's a calling that does not seem to be necessary or even legitimate sometimes. So if God called me to Italy, how did I end up in Illinois? Well stick around and find out.
First I have to back track and tell you there are so many stereotypes about Italy. The things that first come to mind is it's a nice place for vacation, great wine, great food, beautiful landscapes, beautiful art and architecture, wonderful engineering feats, and fast cars. This Italy does not compute with a call to missions and church planting there. I am sure most people think like I did in October 2008 when my wife came and told me God is calling us to Italy. "Nobody goes to Italy to do missions."
I honestly know now that these thoughts are what's going on in people's heads when I tell them that in spite of a Catholic Christian tradition that most Italians (95%) don't go to church. That's 57 million out of 60 million people. There's a Catholic church in every one of Italy's 33,500 cities, but somehow instead of turning to their Creator for help and answers about life, many Italians turn to psychics. Yes, Italians spend $8.5 BILLION annually asking a madam for advice instead of the King of Kings.
Yes, this sounds like an indictment, and maybe even a little harsh. But that's the reality of the problem. The numbers are not shared out of anger, but out of compassion. Italians are like most people in the West. We have a heritage of faith from Christendom, but it doesn't work practically into our lives and how we make decisions. Instead of the gospel advancing in Europe and America, the Enlightenment has come full circle and produced well-cultured, well-informed disciples of the post-modern, post-Christian reality that we all share in now.
It's clear to me now that there are indeed 2 Italy's; the one we want to see and is indeed real, and the one that God sees that is even more real. I fought the stereotypes, too, but finally surrendered out of sheer evidence of the paganization of the whole continent of Europe. We can no longer be the kid in the corner with our eyes closed and hands over them saying, "No, it's not real. I don't believe you!" We must accept the fact that we have all been the frog in the pot of water. We have allowed the culture of the world to fool us into thinking that we are all alright.
I understand now why people look at me and my choice to follow God with such perplexity. I can read it in their eyes. Even if they can suspend their version of reality long enough to engage the fact that maybe the Italy I am telling them about really does exist, they can't possibly think that my going there could do anything to make the situation better. Sometimes I think I believe them. It doesn't make sense to me at all that God would call me and my family out of Atlanta, GA to go to Italy and plant churches. I don't have a Bible degree. I don't speak Italian. I don't have any prior experience as a cross-cultural missionary. It would seem God chose the wrong family for the mission.
But ever since I said yes to God in this call it has been an uphill battle to convince people of the legitimacy of who I am and the work that God has called me to do. When I have told some people about how much money it takes to live and work there, I have been asked if I know anyone rich. I simply say "Jesus, He owns everything anyway." Other times I have fought anger internally at the seeming complacency of some people's hearts to join in. I have been reprimanded for my tenacity and told to stop being a missionary martyr; making people feel sorry for me and my suffering.
I'm not even sure what that means anyway, but I have kept moving forward with no apology for my passion. I've had pastor's critique my abilities, my church's commitment to me, etc. Still I press forward. I have grown in this process, and although painful, I am grateful that God has counted me worthy of this call. I am not so angry at people not giving to me, as the general deer in the headlights stare that most people give when anyone challenges them to push outside the norms of the patterns of their lives and make a sacrifice to take the gospel into the dark places of their communities.
I ask myself, "God what are we doing posting pics of our new flat screens, and our recent cruise to the Bahamas, or the new truck we just bought, etc., etc. on Facebook while your work goes undone?!" In the previous century our ancestors burned with passion and sacrificed much to take the gospel with urgency to the ends of the earth. Now we have to bait people with prizes and special events to even get them off their couches and into the church. All the while we are breaking our arms patting ourselves on the back for serving in the soup kitchen or dropping an extra $20 in the plate. When are we going to stop consuming the gospel through buying CD's of the latest trendy CCM artist, downloading MP3's of our pastor's last revelation from God, and stop wasting our lives gorging ourselves on the constant buffet of media placed in front of us? When will we push away from the table of indulgence, and say "Enough is enough!" I wanna live the gospel and not some vicarious idealistic substitute. If you are not in these categories, then there's no indcitment here. However, God may in this moment be holding a mirrior up to us all, and asking us, "Is all this clutter in your heart and mind and life really necessary?"
How did I get to Illinois? I got fed up with myself. I got tired of listening to and not doing the gospel. I got tired of being religious and not godly. I got tired of going through the motions of Christianity, and started taking the Great Commission seriously and personally. I asked the Lord to transform me from the inside out. Along the way the worst of my humanity has come out. I have been like Jonah pitching a fit over the small things, instead of being glad God has used me to advance His kingdom on the earth. I have worried more about my reputation and the perception others have of me than in my obedience to my King. I don't count myself better than anyone else. I have no credentials except an encounter with Jesus that I can never forget that day on October 3, 2008 when he told me to go to Italy. However, I do count myself a herald. A voice crying out to a generation memorized by the Piped Piper's beautiful songs. God is calling to us all, "Wake up sleepers, wake up to the reality of who I am and the work I am doing to renew all of creation including you!"
The funny thing is, I'm sure there are people who think I've been dishonest in my estimation of when we are leaving for the mission field. Even though I've tried to communicate faith and certainty in a time of ambiguity, I have had to continually adjust my time line to fit God's as He has chosen a longer path than we could have ever predicted. Why did I end up in Illinois? Because God said to come here and get prepared. I came to Wheaton College to get Bible and leadership training. Still people have probably thought I have taken a detour and lost my passion or will or vision for Italy.
However, I see it this way. Wheaton, IL has become Midian for me; a place of training and preparation that will prove invaluable once our feet are on Italian soil. Someone wise once told me that being misunderstood is the price we pay as missionaries to take the gospel to the ends of the earth. Well I am learning to be more comfortable with being misunderstood.
It's exhausting to constantly feel the need to defend my honor and integrity. Right now I have decided to just follow the path God has laid out for me to get to Italy and plant churches, and welcome those who want to share in the work. God doesn't need me to be his public relations guy, offering an explanation for every time the plan He has for me seems to take a misguided step.
I am sure some people think I will never actually follow through with this calling. If that is the case I am here to let them know that they have completely underestimated the God who is so powerfully at work in me. I am not smart enough, strong enough, savvy enough, experienced enough to do what God has called me to do, but I am courageous enough to believe God at his word when He said He called foolish people like me to help bring His kingdom on the earth. What drives me? The voice of God, and the picture of empty pews. When will I get to Italy? I'm already there!
